In the last few months I feel that I've been taking conscious steps to finding the balance and contentment in my life that I want.
I've also been very busy with work, school, volunteer activities and life in general which has made it challenging to stay focused on achieving the internal balance I want but so far I've managed to not feel burned out, which is where I usually end up when I fill my plate up like this.
All and all I've been happy with what I'm doing right now and where I see my life headed, I think previous posts will reflect that, but during this process I have also hit a few unexpected hurtles. Things that have happened that weren't desirable nor did I feel that I had any control to stop them or change the outcome.
Things that were cause to grieve.
Because of the fact that I am consciously being more self aware and managing my expectations/emotions I've handled these undesirables a lot better then I would have a year ago. Being busy with other things has helped to keep me from fixating on the negative and stuff that I can't control.
Unfortunately it doesn't seem to matter how rational, self aware or busy I am, these things that were out of my control manage to sneak back into my mind and I wake up from anxiety dreams of what ifs and if onlys, putting me in a funk that I don't want to be in.
So today I'm filled with swirling emotions of anger, bargaining, & depression rather then the acceptance that I thought I had reached. I thought these stages were suppose to be linear and not something that you can slip backwards into. To say I'm frustrated that my dreams can have this much control over me is an understatement.
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